You wake and try to walk off your pain, do your best to smile in the rain, pretending it will somehow keep you sane but still this elephant in the room remains.

What could they be thinking when they glance casually at the reminders left over from your history. Just another event you can't talk about and even when you do you can help but say "I'm Sorry."

Sorry for their discomfort, sorry that you couldn't buck up and handle it, sorry that there are no words here that could heal this hurt.

When did I make that decision? Why try and hide the damage? Where were the signs saying that there was no way I could manage? How do I explain the unexplainable?

There is no A to B in what I did to me. So one more time, I'm sorry. I have no answer to give, all that is left is another kind of life I must live.

I've run long enough to know that where your coming from is always where wind up. So have seat, it's time to face those demons that have been chasing me.

I'm angry and confused, feeling beaten and used. It's time that we call a truce, so that I can free my neck from this self made noose.

Releasing the sins of thirteen year old girl is harder than it once appeared, although I'm still here. Ready and willing to confront all that I have feared.

Written By: Samantha Medicine-Horse

My mother says I'm acting strange, my sister's happy with him these days and my friends hold me through my screams but they don't understand.

I hate that I love you still, I hate that I always will, I hate the promises you broke and every word you never spoke.

I'm lost within this blind rage, as helpless as an animal caged. Looking for something that makes sense in all of this.

You made yet another mistake, didn't care about who's heart would break. I cannot believe your selfishness so it must fake.

Is the choice you made one you regret, was I that easy to forget? Your baby is left crying alone again, it's just the way it's always been. So why does it feel so different?

The memories we never made keep me awake and as I try to sleep I pray. I pray that you know my pain and see that I am sickened by the little that remains.

Written By: Samantha Medicine-Horse

Hells fury rains down on me via these peaceful sun rays. I have tried to cry, scream or just sit within a child's dreams. Although there is no escape.

No round about way out of this mess, no quick fix to relieve my stress. So in this fire I burn waiting until it is my turn.

My turn to face you and unleash all the pain that you have inflicted. There is nothing of any comfort in the bullshit you have given.

I pray that your precious ladybug guards you at night from all the demons that you never could keep totally out of sight.

You are only a minor part of the woman I have become, the darker part that I work on healing everyday. So hold no pride in how I have survived.

Hate does not nearly begin to describe the torturous feelings I keep inside. Through my fear of a lack of control, I must release them to be whole.

So on this journey I have come to a fork in the road, one way leads to unconditional love and the other to an existence that would make me you.

To all those that say I won't choose, I guess you loose. On my way to unconditional loving, just in case you were wondering where I was heading.

Pain and suffering are just stepping stones to a more peaceful place. That doesn't mean you have to know that when you meet them face to face.

You are allowed to cry, cuss and just scream. In these moments of sorrow know that they will only become months of wonder.

When you can't outrun those dreadful memories that fill your head and leave you weak, I support you to reach. Reach through the illusion and seek out the beauty in every mistake you've ever made.

There will be a better tomorrow that much I do know. I promise that from this you will only learn and the knowledge you gain will one day pull you back from life's most dangerous edge.

You are love, you are light, you are a blessing in a not so subtle disguise. So who ever you may be, you are loved in this second so very completely by me.

Written By: Samantha Medicine-Horse

I am not what I would have you believe, not as hard, not as cold and not as in control. Although this is something you already know.

Damaged, lost and slowly crossing the only line that was ever drawn. Screaming and struggling on the inside and yet externally I remain calm.

What else would you have me do? Did you honestly expect me to come crying? Please...I have paid my fees and nothing but the final score is left past due.

Now is the time to collect and yet I must learn a new way. I have been told to show the fear love as opposed to neglect.

So that is what must be done...I guess. But do you think I could learn how to do these things? I don't know how to live freely, do you know if it can be shown to me?

Written By: Samantha Medicine-Horse